It’s been a tough winter.  Storm after icy storm has kept everyone at home, off balance, and getting cranky.  Or maybe I should just speak for myself.

Also, the illnesses.  My household has been sick most of January and into February.  Lots and lots of coughing.

My eternal resolution “This will be the year I lose the weight!!!!!” is once again stalled.  I try, instead, to embrace being fat…then get very annoyed at the tightness of my clothing and the discomfort of my body.  I hope that in my next life I get to be someone who is of average weight who can maintain that average weight easily.  I know cries of ‘not fair!!’ are meaningless, but honestly – I don’t overeat.  I’m moderately active.  I eat healthy food, very rarely junk.  And I have had problems with excess adipose tissue essentially my entire life to date.  And I imagine I’ll face that challenge even if I live to be 105.

The political zeitgeist is depressing me.  I like my job, and I really like my co-workers and supervisors – but I am dreaming more and more of being able to retire, and what I might do when I am able to do so.  Right now, buying a small RV and touring all the national parks of the U.S. and Canada sounds good.  But I also am weighing moving to the Olympic peninsula, and moving to Panama.

Last night, I dreamed wistful, strange dreams about past lovers, past friends, past communities.  Those things are gone now, gone in the river of time….and currently, nothing replaces them.  And I’m not certain what will.

This is a morose kind of post, I know.  And compared to others, I have few problems.  I have kind, loving people living with me, who’ve got my back, and I’ve got theirs.  I have a good job with decent pay, health insurance, transportation of all kinds, a good dog, an entertaining cat, and pretty good health.  I live in a solid old house in a beautiful area of the country.  My neighbors are courteous and decent people, even if my dreams of living in a close knit neighborhood have not and will not come to fruition here.  I’m smart, not yet old, and with a little luck, will be able to retire and play a bit before I exit….I just need to figure out what I want to do.  And how to fund it.